By Jen Recoy Moore
There are few things in life that are more bitter than feeling victimized by another.
Being victimized can lead to feelings of betrayal, loss, anger, hatred, and even
vengeance. But these negative emotions only create additional turmoil, leaving
one in a dark state of discomfort and anxiety. They can block feelings of joy and
happiness, and can create actual physical suffering and if left to fester, can even
possibly cause disease. But what if you had the key to letting go of these
powerfully negative feelings? The key to letting go of feeling victimized, to feeling
empowered, hopeful, perhaps even joyful again? Well, believe it or not – it is all
within your grasp – you do indeed hold this key! You just need to learn how to
use it to unlock your emotional freedom!
If you are reading this, I believe it is fair to assume that you can relate to the
feeling of being victimized. Perhaps you are seeking answers as to the ‘why’s’ of
these feelings. You may be searching for a way to make sense of your
experiences, rediscover your happiness, and gain your emotional freedom. I am
going to share my experience with victimization and how I found my way through
it and perhaps it will help you to do the same.
In an oversimplification of circumstances, I will simply say that I once had a very
great deal of money stolen from me by someone I loved and trusted completely –
I was also married to him. It was emotionally and financially devastating. It forced
me into foreclosure on my home and eventually resulted in bankruptcy, ruining
my formally perfect credit score. As one can imagine, it also ultimately led to a
divorce. So, then I had no money, no home, and no marriage!
I was so angry, bitter, and feeling so betrayed and victimized! I thought about it all
obsessively. How could I have missed the signs? How could he betray me so
easily? How did I get into this mess?? And even – How could I get even with
him?! I wasn’t quite sure what to do with all of the overwhelming feelings swirling
around inside my mind! These thoughts hounded me for many days and
sleepless nights. But once the dust had settled a bit, and I had the presence of
mind to reflect on the experience, I realized I had actually overlooked many
warning signs, and had ignored my inner guiding voice that was trying
desperately to be heard. This realization required some brutal honesty with
myself about the role I had played in my own circumstances and it was shocking
and difficult to admit.
I could have then turned the tables on myself and beat my self-worth to bits over
my missteps. But instead, I began to look at what I had learned, and realized that
the experience gained was part of my soul’s educational process and an
important part of my personal growth. I finally decided I could continue to remain
feeling helpless, hopeless and victimized, or I could take control of the story and
view it as a very expensive ‘soul class’. From this ‘class’ I learned to trust my
inner guidance when something or someone doesn’t feel quite true and right. In
addition to learning to trust my instincts more, I learned a great deal about
humility, and I developed a deep understanding and empathy for others in similar
situations, and I learned just how resilient, resourceful, and strong I really am.
For me, the key to doing this was choosing to change my perspective from
believing I had been victimized, to believing this was a learning opportunity in
which I too had played a role. I also believe it was a necessary experience for my
personal growth, and one I now need never repeat! The decision to change my
way of thinking was an important turning point in my life. It gave me back my
personal power, wrestling it away from my ‘victimizer’ (finally evicting him from
my mind where he had taken up residence). I had the freedom to choose how to
interpret my own experience, and what I was to learn from it. The sense of having
personal control and freedom was a powerful realization! And thus – wisdom was
acquired.
I now look at these experiences as part of my soul’s education, and the wisdom
and insight I have gained as the gifts of this education. I have learned that I have
the power to choose what or how I think. It is totally under my control. My
thoughts can liberate me – or they can imprison me. I can choose to change my
thoughts or not. My emotions are based only on my own limited perspectives and
perceptions, so I try looking at things from the opposite perspective. I have
changed my thinking from ‘what have I lost’ to ‘what have I learned and gained
from this experience’. I have also learned that feeling victimized takes away our
personal power and gives it all to the person or circumstance that wronged us!
Holding onto that feeling only traps one in a moment in time, and prevents us
from growing and moving forward. We can choose to create our own reality and
to perceive life in our own way. We can choose to define our own experiences!
Wisdom gained from reflection allows us to avoid past behaviors and mistakes,
and allows us to make better choices for ourselves, and to make sense of where
we have been and what we have experienced. We may even choose to
appreciate these difficult challenges, and feel gratitude toward them for all we
have gained. We can choose to let go of negative feelings knowing we have
control over our next steps and our future choices, and are now armed with
experiential wisdom to make more informed choices moving forward.